I started paying more attention to my emotional state and the thoughts that were roaming around in my head. I knew I had to be careful not to allow it to break me down. I had worked hard to get to this point. I stepped away and reflected in the mountains. When I returned, I felt amazing. So light and clear. Then I heard the voicemails. The anxiety spiked. In the next few days, it peaked and spilled over in tears and mixing up words. I needed to recognize that I could not return.
I tend to schedule a lot of activities - in learning, personal / professional growth, business stuff - to the point where I actually feel overwhelmed. I take some deep breaths, remind myself that it’s okay if I don’t do everything and then pick up the most important items to carry on with. The problem was that now that I was seriously considering leaving my job, fear, that nasty little bugger appeared. Fear of failure, fear of not having money to pay bills, fear of letting people down, fear of having to actually go back, fear of not being enough for the people I want to serve…. We all have fears. We need to learn to overcome them by challenging them head on. It turned out that the universe had other plans. I firmly believe I get messages from the universe, through meditation, through signs and through my intuition.
The first shift that happened, occurred because I actually bowed under the weight and my emotional reaction made my husband stand up. I didn’t want to burden him with his depression, but I was feeling like there was a lot of weight on my shoulders, I couldn’t afford to fail and time seemed to be going to fast to get it all done. We talked and he agreed to help. Having that support and knowing that he was going to be there made a huge difference. I was able to plan and strategize. I received a lot of clarity in a meditation session. It cleared up how to structure the course I was putting together and provided me with tips on how to progress in other directions with my vision.
Next, I took some serious time for self care, as in the above meditation which was 2 hours in length. I reminded myself to ground and to take time to pay attention to my thoughts. I also recognized how valuable my routine was in my recovery. I loved getting up and meditating right away. I loved starting my day with that clarity. I found so much joy walking my dog with my husband every morning, to return and work out, shower, then start our days. I had to put that schedule back in place to find peace.
Another shift happened through courses that I signed up for. One was Power to Pivot with Dean Graziosi and Tony Robbins. They had a bunch of different guest speakers on including: Jay Shetty, Lisa Nichols, Lewis Howes, Anthony Trucks, Chris and Lori Harder, Pete Vargas III, etc. They shared their “mess” turned to “messages” and all these wonderful tidbits of advice. It renewed my spirit that I was on the right course, headed in the right direction and that the worst thing I could do was return to a job that did not serve my future. The second course was by Bob Proctor, in changing your mindset around being a millionaire. He stated how you can’t put something where a chair is. I can’t have the new life I‘m imagining for myself while I’m holding onto old things - I have to make room. I need to quit my job. I need to move it out of the way so my new future has room to be there. There may even be other things I will have to move aside to make room for the new.
You owe it to yourself to live for you, to live for happiness and love and joy. Find the things that set a spark in your heart and mind. Chase them. Fill your life with them. Let go of the negative. Let go of the stuff that no longer serves you. Let go of everything that holds you back. You can’t go forward, when you have parts of yourself in the past. See who you are in the future and be that person now. After all, the only time you can affect, is now. Now. Now. No, now.